9 Ways to Get over a Guy Who Led You On and Love Yourself

Co-authored by Erika Kaplan and Amber Crain

Last Updated: July 6, 2021 References

Breakups are never easy, but if your ex manipulated you by leading you on, it can really mess with your emotions and self-confidence. As you navigate your post-breakup feelings, try to remember that this isn't your fault—his bad behavior is entirely on him. To help you out, we've put together a list of tips to get you back on your feet so you can leave him behind for good.

1

Cut off all contact with him.

Communicating will prevent your wound from healing. Letting go can be hard, especially if you really liked this guy. Keep in mind, though, that he toyed with your emotions and took advantage of you. He’s not worthy of your friendship or attention! Stop following him on social media, ignore his emails, and block his texts. If you run into him in public, do your best to avoid small talk.^{[1]
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- Maybe you can be friends in the future but for now, focus on healing.

2

Process your emotions.

It’s normal to feel sad, angry, and exhausted after a breakup. You don’t have to power through this or pretend like you're fine when you're not. Give yourself a set period of time (a week, a month, whatever feels right for you) to feel whatever you need to feel. Once that period is up, though, promise yourself to start focusing on the future.^{[2]
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- Create a safe, private space where you can cry, yell, or listen to sad music. Your feelings are normal and you’re entitled to them.^{[3]
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- It's okay if you still have feelings for your ex. He was important to you, even if he didn't return your feelings.^{[4]
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- Try to avoid over-analyzing things. At the end of the day, your ex has issues and that's why he led you on. You didn’t cause this and there’s nothing you could have done to change it.

3

Forgive yourself.

He’s a manipulative jerk and that’s not your fault. You approached the relationship with an open heart and mind because that’s the kind of person you are. And that’s a good thing! There’s nothing to be ashamed of and you certainly don’t need to change that about yourself.^{[5]
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- It may feel like you’ll never be able to trust again, but remind yourself that you won’t always feel this way. New hopes and dreams will replace the old ones.^{[6]
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4

Toss out any reminders of him.

It's tough to move on if you’re living with constant reminders. “Out of sight, out of mind” is definitely a thing! Little gifts, his favorite hoodie, ticket stubs—it all needs to go. In most cases, you don't even need to bother returning that stuff to him. Box it up or trash it.^{[7]
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- If you can’t bear to trash it, ask a friend to hold onto it for a while.

5

Write an angry letter (but don’t send it).

Think of it as a cathartic ritual to help you get closure. Make a list of his worst qualities. Note every disappointing thing he ever did. Make fun of his hair or questionable fashion sense. Put all that toxic energy into words on paper and don’t hold back! No one will ever see it, so give yourself permission to go off.^{[8]
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- You can even burn the letter when you're done. Sometimes symbolic gestures help with closure.^{[9]
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6

Funnel negative energy into something physical.

Hit the gym or take a kickboxing class. It’s normal to be angry after someone takes advantage of you! It's important to find healthy ways to get rid of that energy, though. Exercise helps you channel your feelings into something positive, boosts your mood, and ramps up your self-confidence. Plus, if you haven't been sleeping well, exercise will tire you out so you can get some rest.^{[10]
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- Kickboxing, MMA, or boxing classes^{[11]
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- Spinning or cross-fit
- Running or swimming

7

Explore new interests.

New activities can help you focus on the present instead of the past. It can be hard at first, but try to get outside your comfort zone. Dabble in a few new hobbies, check some items off your bucket list, or enroll in an interesting online class. Anything that forces your mind to focus on the present rather than dwelling on the past can help heal and revitalize you.^{[12]
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- For example, learn to play an instrument, join a local club or sports team, or try scuba diving.

8

Surround yourself with positive people.

They'll keep you busy and re-energize you. If you need to vent, be sure to choose trustworthy friends and family who’ll really listen to you. Try to avoid spending all of your time talking about your ex, though! Talk it out and then leave him behind. Focus on having fun and planning cool activities to look forward to.^{[13]
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- When you’re feeling stronger, you could even try putting yourself out there and making some new friends.^{[14]
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9

Talk to a therapist if you’re still struggling.

There's nothing wrong with getting help if you need it. Breakups are hard. If you’re feeling deeply depressed, isolating yourself, or having a hard time moving on, a therapist can help a lot. They can provide guidance and teach you healthy coping strategies to help get you back on your feet.^{[15]
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- If you’ve turned to drugs, alcohol, or food to help you cope, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s important to get help, though, before these habits get out of control.