How to Get Your Mom to Stop Smoking

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: March 26, 2023 References

As a son or daughter, watching a parent who is struggling with a smoking habit can become a cause of great concern. Convincing your mother in particular to quit smoking may require either a delicate or strong approach, depending on your relationship as well as her willingness to change. Concerns for her health and overall wellbeing are certainly valid given the many negative impacts of a smoking addiction.

Method 1

Method 1 of 4:

Expressing Yourself

1
Be open and honest about your feelings. The truth is, even though your mom probably knows you better than anyone, she may not fully realize the impact that her smoking has had on you. If you are concerned with her health and wish to protect yourself and others from the effects of secondhand smoke, the most direct way to handle this is through open communication.
- Schedule some time to talk in a comfortable, private environment. No one enjoys being confronted about their habits. By going to a private place, such as a bedroom or sitting room, mom may be able to let her guard down and hear what you need to say.
- Try not to nag or blame your mom for her smoking habit. Try to be compassionate, gentle and understanding.
- Be sure to listen well. There may be some unexpressed feelings or perhaps she has tried to quit in the past and was unsuccessful. Hearing her out can ultimately make her more open to quitting.^{[1]
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2
Write her a letter.It can be particularly difficult to confront a parent, especially in person. If your mom is particularly defensive about her smoking habit, writing her a clear, thoughtful letter can allow you to get all of your feelings out in the open without her feeling confronted or attacked. This way she can process the information on her own and respond once she is ready.
- Try starting off with, “Mom, I'm writing you this letter because I love you and want the very best for you and our family.”
- Or, “Mom, lately I have been thinking about our lifestyle and how we can improve our health together.”
- ”Mom, it is sometimes difficult for me to express my feelings in person, but I am worried about you. Just know that I will do whatever I can to help you to quit smoking. You don't have to do this alone.”
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3
Ask a trusted friend or family member to get involved. If you still have difficulty getting mom to listen, bringing in an adult peer, friend or family member may help grab her attention in ways that you may not be able.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
American Lung Association
Nonprofit health organization dedicated to improving lung health through education, advocacy, and research
Go to source} After all, many parents do struggle when it comes to hearing their child out (even when they are adults), so bringing in a trusted peer may get her to understand the dangers of smoking once and for all.

Method 2

Method 2 of 4:

Educating Your Mom

1
Perform some quality research regarding the health hazards of smoking. Your mom may not be ready to hear about the dangers of smoking. Give her the raw facts about smoking, so that understand exactly why she should quit.
- According to the American Lung Association, smoking is the leading cause of preventable death in the U.S., causing over 400,000 deaths per year.^{[3]
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  American Lung Association
  Nonprofit health organization dedicated to improving lung health through education, advocacy, and research
  Go to source}
- Secondhand smoke causes over 40,000 deaths per year, in additional to several respiratory illnesses.^{[4]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Lung Association
  Nonprofit health organization dedicated to improving lung health through education, advocacy, and research
  Go to source}
- Nearly 70 chemicals found in cigarettes are known to cause cancer, including lead, acetone, ammonia, arsenic and formaldehyde.^{[5]
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  Trustworthy Source
  American Lung Association
  Nonprofit health organization dedicated to improving lung health through education, advocacy, and research
  Go to source}
- When a person quits smoking, breathing becomes easier within the initial 72 hours.^{[6]
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- Lung function improves within the first 3-9 months.^{[7]
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- The risk of a heart attack, stroke or lung cancer are cut in half within the first few years of smoking cessation.^{[8]
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2
Pick up a pamphlet from the local community health center or doctor's office. Read it over by yourself first, then choose a good time to go over it with her. Pamphlets regarding the hazards of smoking usually include key information regarding how smoking affects the body as well as how it affects others (including children and pets).
- The CDC has compiled a large list of informative pamphlets on the key aspects of tobacco use at http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/multimedia/printable/.
3
Encourage her to join a Smokers Anonymous group. Breaking a habit is a very personal issue where one often feels isolated and is not ready to handle it on their own. Smokers anonymous groups are a great way for those with smoking addictions to receive much-needed support, resources, guidance and encouragement from both professionals and fellow smokers.
- Smokers anonymous groups (also known as nicotine anonymous) normally do not require that a person has already quit. The person has to simply want to quit in order to attend. Your mom will have the option of speaking with a personal sponsor who can motivate her when she is tempted to start smoking again.
- To find meetings near you, visit https://nicotine-anonymous.org/find-a-meeting.html
- If you believe that your mom may feel uncomfortable in such a group, online meetings are also available and can be found at https://nicotine-anonymous.org/internet-meetings.html

Method 3

Method 3 of 4:

Exposing Her to Less Harmful Alternatives

1
Direct her to some alternative means of nicotine use. Many smokers believe that they will someday quit cold turkey they have to do is make a simple decision to do so.^{[9]
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Research source} Nicotine is a powerfully addictive drug, so ending a smoking habit abruptly can result in uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms with both physical and psychological effects.
2
Encourage her to try vaping. Though much of the effects of vaping have yet to be researched, studies show that vaping allows users to gradually wean down their nicotine use over time. This reduces the addictive properties of smoking, while also reducing the carcinogenic effects of tobacco smoke inhalation.^{[10]
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Research source} Many smokers have used vaping to successfully end their smoking habit for good.
- Vaping involves no fire or combustion but a device which is used to vaporize the E-liquid for inhalation. E-liquid usually contains propylene glycol, flavorings and optional doses of nicotine.^{[11]
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- E -cigarettes are also battery powered devices which use liquid to produce a vapor for inhalation.^{[12]
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  Trustworthy Source
  National Institute on Drug Abuse
  Agency in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services devoted to researching drug and drug abuse and educating the public
  Go to source}
3
Try nicotine replacement therapy through the use of nicotine gum, patches, lozenges, sprays, tablets and inhalers.^{[13]
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Trustworthy Source
MedlinePlus
Collection of medical information sourced from the US National Library of Medicine
Go to source} These offer smaller doses of nicotine to reduce the discomfort of withdrawal symptoms and gradually reduce the amount of nicotine in the bloodstream. Most nicotine replacement therapy products are available over the counter, with the exception of inhalers.^{[14]
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Method 4

Method 4 of 4:

Encouraging Mom's Success

1
Check in. Ask her how it's going, and if there are any ways that you can be of help. If your mom has made the decision to quit smoking, that's just the first hurdle. Ending her smoking habit will take lots of time and effort. Be sure to listen to her struggles and reassure her that they are perfectly normal.
- Reward or celebrate her achievements along the way. ^{[15]
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  Research source} Incentive-based smoking cessation programs are highly effective, and can definitely give your mom great motivation to quit smoking. Track her progress, whether she goes without smoking for one month or just one day, ensure that she feels supported and encouraged.
- Promise to do a few extra chores or help out more around the house for each milestone she reaches. If she goes a full week, tell her that you will mop the kitchen floor. After two smoke-free weeks, dust the living room, etc. Be creative, and perform duties that she will really appreciate.
- Make an agreement that she will have to place a certain amount of money into a jar each time she smokes a cigarette. Research has shown that people are likely to quit smoking when it is associated with losing money. ^{[16]
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2
Help to relieve her stress. Mothers often have so much to deal with on a daily basis, and it is possible that her smoking could be related to stress. ^{[17]
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Trustworthy Source
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services
Go to source} Try taking on some of the tasks that she may perform so that she is able to relax and decompress throughout the day.
- Make dinner a few nights a week.
- Treat her to a spa day, or nice massage.
- When she seems agitated, take her out for a short walk. A bit of physical activity can help to lift her mood.^{[18]
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3
Promote overall physical and mental health. Getting your mom involved in activities such as exercise, yoga, meditation and healthy eating can help to shift your mother's perspective regarding her health. Those who have healthier lifestyles and routine self-care are much less likely to smoke tobacco or engage in any other harmful habits.
- Introduce your mom to mindfulness practices which have been shown to reduce smoking rates by creating an awareness of addictive behaviors, and developing techniques to overcome them such as, recognizing her craving for smoking, understanding why she may want to smoke at that moment and choosing to make a different decision.^{[19]
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- Many yoga programs include specific poses and deep breathing exercises, which can alleviate stress, improve blood circulation, increase oxygen to the brain and ultimately help with smoking cessation. Helpful poses include the cobra pose, child pose, bridge pose and triangle pose.
4
Suggest counseling. If you believe that there are underlying mental health factors that may be contributing to her smoking addiction. It may not be a bad idea to suggest that she seek professional counseling. Many addictions are prolonged by co-occurring disorders such as anxiety, depression or genetic disorders. Oftentimes, treatment of the underlying problem can help one to rid themselves of any addictions which may have been lying beneath the surface.

Warnings

Always remember that smoking is a biological addiction that requires time and patience to break. If you find that your mom has gone back to smoking after making progress, try not to get discouraged. There may in fact be many starts and stops along the journey.

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Do not make rash decisions about your mom's smoking habit without consulting her first. Watching your parent engage in an uncontrollable smoking habit might be difficult and scary however, doing things such as hiding her tobacco products or throwing them away may invade her privacy and only cause a defensive reaction.

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