How to Ask a Girl Out in Middle School over Text Message

Co-authored by wikiHow Staff

Last Updated: November 1, 2021 References

To ask a girl out over text, you’ll want to take it slow and steady. Ask if it’s okay to text her first, then start off a friendly, light conversation. Send her thoughtful messages to show you’re thinking about her as more than a friend. If she seems to be interested too, ease into the topic of going out. Find out her favorite things to do, mention an upcoming event, or hint at the thought of a possible date. Then once you’ve gotten on the topic, build up the courage to officially ask her out. Don’t forget to balance your digital relationship with real-life interactions, and make sure you don’t use texting as a way to say things you wouldn’t say in person.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Wooing Her with Your Text Messages

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Start a back-and-forth texting habit. Once you’ve gotten to know the girl in person and asked for her phone number, ask her in person if you can text her sometime. This way, she’ll be awaiting your message.^{[1]
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Research source} Then spend a few days texting back and forth. Try to get to know her a little better, and show that you’re a fun, interesting, and caring person.
- Take it slow at first with friendly messages, and don’t start to get too flirty until you sense she’s responsive to your messages.^{[2]
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2
Send her a good morning or goodnight text to show you’re thinking about her. Send a friendly text message first thing in the morning to let her know she’s the first thing on your mind. If you don’t have much time in the morning, text her goodnight before you go to sleep.^{[3]
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Research source} If you send a sweet message at the beginning or end of the day, she’ll start to recognize your romantic interests.
- Send her a morning or evening text on the weekend so you can keep chatting even while you’re away from each other.
- If your phone is reaching the end of its battery life, let her know you’re risking it to talk to her. Try a message like, “So my battery is at 3% but I don’t want to stop texting you.”^{[4]
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3
Send her an encouraging text before a big event. Take a moment to send a “good luck” text before an important test, game, or performance she’s told you about. Or say you hope she has fun during an activity or class she’s heading into. Don’t worry if this doesn’t turn into a conversation; just aim to make her smile. Use little messages like these to show that you care about what’s going on in her life and that you support her.^{[5]
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- Remember to respect her boundaries.^{[6]
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  Research source} Don’t obsess over her schedule or send multiple insistent texts before getting a reply. This will seem creepy and she might get uncomfortable.
- If she shared some details with you, like “I’m practicing for that piano recital Friday night,” a quick “good luck tonight!” text on Friday afternoon will show you’re a good listener.
4
Keep the topic of conversation light and upbeat. Focus on fun topics that you can both enjoy. Chat about music, TV shows, food, funny things that happened throughout the day, and things that you’re excited about. Mention something related to an inside joke you both shared, or give her a genuine compliment.^{[7]
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- Don’t get too deep into school stressors or personal problems, as you might overwhelm her and bring down the energy.
- Avoid going overboard with cheesy pickup lines. Aim to be a fun friend she can talk easily with rather than someone who is obviously trying to pick her up.
- If you happen to disagree about something, use it as a chance to playfully tease each other. Don’t get up-in-arms or make her feel bad about her opinion.
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Stay respectful and appropriate when sending flirty texts. Even though texting makes it easier to be bold, don’t say anything you wouldn’t say to her in person.^{[8]
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Research source} Consider that she might show a friend your text conversation, or that her parents or guardians might monitor her text messages. Avoid sending any messages you wouldn’t want her family or friends to see.^{[9]
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- Don’t say anything creepy, suggestive, or aggressive in your texts.
- If you’re really intense and forward over text but super shy in person, you’ll both have a hard time making the transition from texting to an actual date.
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Balance your texting with real life interactions. Bringing your relationship from the screen to the real world can be awkward at times. To avoid a bumpy transition, use your texts to set the stage for in-person conversations and flirtations. If you text her on a school morning, swing by her locker when you get to school and say hi.
- Let her know you want to catch up in person with a text message like, “The craziest thing happened today! I can’t wait to tell you about it tomorrow after class.”^{[10]
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- If you balance your texting with in-person connections, she’ll likely feel more comfortable hanging around you. Plus, she’ll know your interest is genuine.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Easing into the Big Question

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Observe how she responds to your texts to assess her interest. See whether she responds right away or waits a little while, then try to match her texting frequency. If she texts you back right away, starts a new conversation, asks you questions about yourself, and sends detailed replies, chances are she likes chatting with you over text.^{[11]
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- If she takes forever to reply, never asks you questions, sends 1-word answers, or doesn’t want to interact with you in person, she might not be so interested.
- Whether she seems eager to connect with you or not at all interested, you should still try asking her out. There’s no guarantee she’ll say yes either way, so you might as well give her the chance to set the record straight.
2
Reference the possibility of going out through your text conversation. If you’ve got a good conversation going and you sense she might like you, try slipping in a reference to a future date. Reveal your interest in asking her out without directly popping the question. Then follow up with a real invitation, whether it’s during the same conversation or at a later time.
- If she tells you she’s heading out of town on Saturday, you could say “That’s too bad! I guess I’ll have to wait until next weekend to take you to that new movie.”^{[12]
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- If she responds with “Oh bummer, that would’ve been fun!” you can suggest a real day and make an official invitation: “Agreed! Well, how about the 15th instead?”
3
Ask her if she enjoys a certain activity or place. Pick a topic you know she likes, or one you’ve talked about in the past, to increase your chances of a positive reply. Ask if she likes doing a certain activity, such as dancing or hitting nature trails. Or ask her whether she’s done a certain activity or visited a certain place you see as a potential date spot. If she likes that activity, hasn’t tried that place, or has done that activity before but enjoyed it, invite her out!^{[13]
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- If you know she loves ice cream, say something like “Have you tried that new ice cream shop in town?” Whether she says “Yes it was great!” or “No, not yet,” you can turn it into an invitation: “I’d love to try it out with you… How about next Friday?”
- Find out what her favorite place or activity is, then offer to join her.^{[14]
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  Research source} Try “What’s your favorite thing to do after school on Fridays?” Whether the answer is “study” or “go to the mall,” ask if you can join her this week.
4
Mention an upcoming event and ask if she’d like to be your date. You can be really direct and say, “Hey, want to go to the next school dance with me?” Or if you’re not ready for that, ease into the topic. Start with something like, “Hey, did you know there’s another school dance next week?” Then once she responds, ask her if she’d like to go with you: “Will you be my date to the dance?”
- Try framing a less-exciting situation as if she’ll make the event so much more enjoyable: “So I have to go to my little sister’s dance recital on Sunday. Would you come with me and make it more fun?”^{[15]
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- If you want to ask her to be your girlfriend, wait until you’ve spent some time together in person. Texting is a great way to set up a date, but doesn’t work as well for big commitments.
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Be as specific as possible about what you’re asking her. Since text messages can be a little hard to interpret, try to be as specific as you can when asking her out. Don’t just send a message saying “Will you go out with me?” She might not know what you mean and won’t know how to answer. Instead, explain the exact first-date activity or in-school situation you have in mind. Include a compliment mentioning something you like about her to show that your feelings are genuine.
- If you want to spend more time together during school: “Your stories are hilarious! I wish I could hear more of them in person… want to sit with me at lunch tomorrow?”
- If you’ve started a competitive banter: “Let’s settle this once and for all! Want to go mini-golfing with me next Sunday? We’ll see who the real MVP is.”
- If there’s a holiday break approaching: “I’m gonna miss seeing your smile over break. Can I take you to the movies before New Year’s?”

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Clarifying the Details

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Talk about what “going out” means to you both. If you haven’t made specific date plans but she’s agreed to “go out” with you, great! But keep in mind that this is likely a gray area and might lead to some confusion or disappointment if you don’t explore what “going out” really means. Talk to her over text and in person about what you have in mind. Ask for her thoughts as well so you can both know what to expect and can relax around each other.^{[16]
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- If you’d like to sit at lunch together, stop by her locker between classes to catch up, and text after school, ask her if that sounds okay.
- Let her know if you’d like to update your relationship status on social media, or if you want to start calling her your girlfriend.
- Say whether you’d like to attend her volleyball matches. Ask if she’d like to come to your games and wear your jersey.
- Wait until she has a chance to weigh in before you make any big changes.
2
Confirm the day, time, and place for your date. If you’re inviting the girl to a specific place or event, be sure to confirm the details so you both get to the right place at the right time. Let her know the specific place, the meeting time, and when you think your date might wrap up.
- It can be hard to go out when you’re in middle school, when you can’t drive or earn spending money. If there’s transportation or money involved, make sure it all sounds okay with her.
- Discuss the timing and travel arrangements so that she can ask her family for a ride if necessary. Or let her know if your family can take her and get her home. Give her a chance to get the “okay” from her guardians.
3
Get permission from both of your families. If you have grand ideas of a romantic 1-on-1 movie night, but your date’s parents or guardians won’t let her go out without a chaperone, you might be pretty disappointed. Talk to your guardians about what you plan to do, and whether it’s possible. Ask your date to make sure her family is okay with the plans you’ve made together, too. Don’t be afraid to adapt your plan if needed.^{[17]
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- Don’t try to sneak around you might get her in trouble!
- If you just want to hang out around school and sit at lunch together, you probably don’t need permission from your guardians. But do let them know you’re hanging out with a girl at school. This way, if you do eventually plan a date, they won’t be surprised.
4
Be kind to yourself and your crush if she turns down your invitation. If your text invitation gets turned down, dealing with that rejection can be painful and embarrassing. But don’t take it as a personal attack. Give yourself some time to let out your feelings in private. Talk to a close friend or family member if you can. Respect her decision and be kind when you see her at school.
- Respond with a gracious message like, “Okay, no worries. Hope we can still be friends during homeroom.” or “That’s cool, I get it. I hope you have a great weekend anyway.”
- Try not to follow up with demanding or rude messages, even if you’re angry.
- Think about why she might have turned you down. If her parents won’t let her date, if she already has plans to go to the dance with someone else, or if she’s not interested in going out with anyone, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.