Weddings in ancient Rome

Ancient Roman bulla

Before the wedding, either boy put away his bulla and toga praetexta, and put on his toga virillis. Boys usually started wearing togae virillis around puberty, or when the boy's parents believed he was sexually mature.[1] The bulla was dedicated to Lares. The girl removed her toga, and put away her childhood toys.[1]

The bride wove the tunica recta herself—a symbolic act, as once she was married, she would be expected to weave her family's clothes. She also wore an infula on the wedding day.[1] For the wedding night, the tunica recta would be tied with a wool belt known as cingulum that represented ferility. It was tied with a knot known as the nodus Herculaneus, or knot of Hercules. This knot may also have symbolized fertility as Hercules had many children.[2] Another possibility is that the belt symbolized chastity.[3] The bride's hair was covered in the seni crines,[4] a wreath and a yellow-red veil called the flammeum.[5] She also wore a yellow hairnet dedicated to the lares; yellow was significant in Roman weddings because it was the color of the flammeum.[6] Her hair was also dressed by the hasta caelibaris ("celibate spear"),[6] who had symbolic power to the Romans. The usage of the hasta displayed the husband's authority over his bride and protected against a troubled marriage.[6] The bridal couple also wore chaplets of roses.[7] The bride's clothes were similar to a priestess' clothing.[8]

All of the marriage's guests wore the same clothes as the groom and the bride, to prevent evil spirits from identifying the wedding couple.[8] As the wedding was a sacred affair, an improperly dressed bride would be an attack on Roman morality and chaste Roman women. To prove to the gods that the wedding was in good faith, many people had to view the bride in her garb.

A groom encourages his demure bride while a servant looks on (wall painting, Casa della Farnesina, ca. 19 BCE)

Romans giving their wedding vows

The Roman engagement was known as sponsalia. In the sponsalia, the maiden was promised to the groom by her father or her tutor. The promise could be made directly to the groom, but was usually made to the groom's father. As part of the engagement, the groom would place an engagement ring known as the annulus pronubus on the bride's ring finger.[9][10] This finger was chosen as it was believed that a vein known as the vena amoris connected it directly to the other. During the sponsalia the bride's family would pay the groom dowry.[11]

To promise his daughter to the groom, the bride's father told the groom's father: Spondesne Gaiam, tuam filiam (or Gaiam, Lucii filiam), mihi (or filio meo) uxorem dari? Di bene vortant! Spondeo, Di bene vortant! However, the bride's father could cancel the wedding at any time. For a wedding to take place, the bride and groom, or the father in each family, needed to consent. Augustus decreed that if the bride's father did not agree to the marriage, he must provide a reason. Marriage between children was also outlawed. The youngest marriageable ages were fourteen for men and twelve for women. The Romans never practiced polygamy,[12] so both parties had to be unmarried; and the bride and groom could not be related.[13]

The groom chose the wedding date; however, he could not choose any day of the year, as many were considered unlucky. June was the preferred month, as it was the month of Juno, the god of childbirth and marriage.[14] Before the wedding, the bride's family sought the protection of the gods by performing small sacrifices and giving coins to Lares.

The wedding took place at the house of the bride's father.[14] There was a large feast, at which the attendees were served a special cake, a mustaceum, made with grape juice. Augustus limited the cost of these feasts to one thousand sesterces.[15]

By evening, the groom pretended to take the bride by force from her mother's arms, so the household gods would not think the bride was willingly leaving them. The Romans believed the only bride of value was a virgin who had to be stolen from her family. Because of this, the Romans simulated the bride being abducted from her family. The tradition dictated that the bride cry out in pain as she was herded along the route to her new house.[16] As the bride was taken to her new home, guests sang the Hymenaeus and carried a whitehorn torch, a spina alba, to honor Ceres.[16] When the procession reached the groom's house, the groom entered first; the bride then entered after smearing the doorway with sheep's wool covered in oil and fat, as bride would have no gods protecting her until she arrived at the groom's house. When the bride arrived at the house of the groom, she may have spoken the words "Ubi tu Gaius ego Gaia".[17] The bride was officially taken in to her husband's family by fire and water, an act symbolic of life. To visualize the consummation of marriage, the groom broke a loaf of bread over the bride's head. Sheaves of wheat could also be thrown at the bride.[15]

Once at the groom's house, the married couple relaxed on a richly ornamented couch or bed called a lectus or genialis, and had their first sexual experiences together. As soon as the couple entered either the bedroom or the groom's house they were considered married.

Hymen, god of marriage

The gods of the Roman wedding were Juno, Venus, Hymen, and occasionally Terra.[16] The bride was the focus of the wedding, and because of this her face was painted red. It was believed that if the betrothed couple were unlucky or evil, omens would appear at the wedding. However, if no omens appeared, that too could indicate that they were unlucky or evil.[16] In Rome, it was believed a happy marriage was possible only if you followed all of the customs and had no evil omens.

In Rome, the ideal bride was both frightened and joyful about the marriage. She was expected to learn to submit to her husband. Ideally, she would have had no prior sexual experience, as the purpose of the Roman wedding was to ensure that the bride would reproduce in the confines of a legal marriage. The ideal groom was supposed to be sexually experienced, and eager for the wedding to take place. Since the bride's purpose was to legitimately reproduce, mocking the bride was equivalent to attacking the Roman family structure. For the same reason, the bride had to follow all traditions perfectly; if she did not, the children of the marriage would be illegitimate. The validity or connubium of a Roman wedding was partially determined by the bride's suffering,[13] so Romans expected to see the bride make a public display of her fear of the wedding. Roman weddings often were staged kidnappings. This tradition may have been meant to emulate the Rape of the Sabine women.[18] Until the Servian constitution, many weddings were illegitimate. The Servian constitution made all Romans citizens, and therefore, all of their marriages were now legal.

Many patricians opposed the intermarriage of their members with the plebeians, and in 450 BC a law was passed prohibiting such marriages; however, it was repealed by the lex Canuleia in 445 BC.[12] Some patricians did not believe plebeian marriages were legitimate, as many religious practices were exclusive to the patricians. The Patricians believed that plebeian marriages were equivalent to sexual promiscuity.[12]

In ancient Rome, the bride's family was expected to provide a dowry. All of the bride's property became her husband's property, or that of her husband's father. Occasionally the bride retained some of her possessions.

The fresco in the Villa of the Mysteries

In the ancient city of Pompeii some of the frescoes in the "Villa of the Mysteries" may depict Roman weddings. However, it possible that they depict a woman being introduced into the Cult of Dionysus, a beauty pageant honoring Dionysus, or some combination of these. Depictions of weddings in ancient Rome generally allude to the Roman gods. In Roman literature, a bride is usually portrayed as a grieving woman who needs to be persuaded or forced to marry.[16]