Victor & Hugo: Bunglers in Crime

The brothers have been hired by Mr. X to steal the rare African tree panda from Regent's Park Zoo, but they first steal a toy panda from Bumbley's (a pun on Hamley's) toy store and rip its stuffing out so Hugo can get into the skin and take the place of the real panda.

The brothers are initially hired by Ernst Underfelt (a cat) to steal the Space Shuttle from Cape Canaveral, but when Underfelt's secretary later calls them on Interpol and tells them to abandon the theft, they do not receive the message, so accidentally get blasted into space and crash-land on the Planet Dribulon, whose inhabitants almost get them to sell the Shuttle for soap bars and bath crystals.

After watching a news report from Alex McBackpack about a pirate galleon that sank near the Isle of Lucy off the Azores in 1486, the brothers travel there for themselves with an inflatable boat named "The Tub"; after adding a compressed air capsule to it to increase it to full size, Victor initially goes diving for the sunken treasure in a scuba diving suit but does not succeed, so Hugo tries it instead in a deep-sea diving one (but when Victor becomes tired while operating the air pump, he accidentally turns its handle the other way and ends up shrinking Hugo). However, after Hugo is returned to his original size, both brothers initially appear to have found the treasure after Hugo's suit gets burst by a seagull - but it is then revealed that they actually landed in a giant claw machine. Edward Kelsey is also credited at the end of this episode, but he did not actually appear, in direct contrast to "French Exchange" the following year.

After a failed hold-up at a drive-in movie theatre, the brothers hitch a train ride to Tombstone, Arizona (by driving on the railway tracks), where they drive local bandit Black Jake mad with animal impressions and make a new "friend" in the form of the town's Marshal, Wyatt Eartle; however, after Eartle catches Hugo trying to smash down the door of the Fasbucz Bank with a hammer, he throws him in jail, so Victor hires a horse to break him out. They then try to blow up the bank's safe with dynamite they bought from the general store, but do not notice that it is about to explode until it is too late, so they get blown through its roof and both of them end up back in jail.

After checking a book on hypnotism out of a library without a library card, Victor tries to hypnotise Hugo into being a better criminal, but it does not go to plan when he sneezes while hypnotising him, and it becomes the cue to set him off; after failing to break into the Bank of England, he consults the book for a cure and hits Hugo over the head with Interpol, but the effects are transferred to Interpol.

The brothers are hired by Mr. Stootly (a tiger) to steal a voice-activated futuristic car called the "Buillac S230" (whose name is a merger of Buick and Cadillac); after masquerading as roofers to get into the Buillac factory, they tell the S230 to drive to the Stootly Corp. one and get pursued there by the Arizona police, but do not tell it to stop quickly enough, so it crashes into the side of the factory. When Mr. Stootly comes out to investigate the damage, he denies all connection with the brothers, so they are sent to jail.

The brothers attend the Hampstead Aesthetics and Art Appreciation Association's fancy-dress ball in the costumes of convicts, where they go down to the cellar and drill through its wall (intending to tunnel into the National Bank of Ruritania next door); however, they make a wrong turning, and end up tunnelling into the cell of Strangler (a melancholy ape) in the Hampstead Prison instead. They then make several attempts to escape from the prison, but none of them succeed until M. Meccaneaux brings them an escape cake and they construct a bicycle from the parts in it - however, when the earth gives way beneath their machine and they crash through the roof of an Underground train, the ticket collector at the next station does not believe their story even though it is true, so they are returned to the prison.

The brothers have been hired by Sir Anthony to masquerade as a butler and a maid (Hugo going under the name "Hugette") to steal the Vose Vase from Hobbes-Sutclyffe Hall; Lord Hobbes-Sutclyffe, his nephew Piers Flimsy and his friend Bowler (a lion) also take a liking to Hugo in his "Hugette" get-up, but after a disastrous dinner, Bowler discovers he is really "Hugo", so both brothers are chased away from the Hall by Lord Hobbes-Sutclyffe with his elephant gun. This is also the first of two episodes which does not feature the Wretched Dog.

After breaking into a police station and stealing all its handcuffs, the brothers make a quick escape to the Island of Formaggio, where Victor's suitcase is mistakenly claimed by a crooked ventriloquist named Gary Gaingridge, and Victor thinks his brother has been frozen to death when he opens his suitcase and finds Gaingridge's dummy, Gaston, inside; however, Gaingridge is trying to take Hugo's head off because of the diamonds that are hidden in the dummy, and when hotel cleaner Miss Ricotta witnesses him doing this, she tells the local police officer, Inspector Mozzarella (who eventually arrests Gaingridge and his accomplice for attempted murder and diamond smuggling).

After a long pursuit by the police for driving on the wrong side of the road (and eventually getting stopped by the hook of a crane on a construction site), the brothers join the Third East Crummelton Scout Group in order to gain free access to Ackroyd Towers (a house they have been hired by Mr. E to steal from); after several initiation tests, Sir Percival Ackroyd warns the scoutmaster that the police told him to be on the lookout for the brothers and the scoutmaster reveals that he inadvertently recruited them into the scout group, so when they are discovered masquerading as a tree that the Ackroyds' three guard dogs had been barking at, they are chased away from the house.

After the brothers fail to blow the safe at the Bank Cupidité (and escape through Miss Co-Co next door), Hugo poses as a waitress (going under the name "Fifi") and a shortsighted American millionaire named Ulysses P. Broomhandle asks him to marry him; when Hugo learns that Broomhandle's latest invention is a patent earwig trap, he refuses to marry him and is propelled out of his car after he brakes, getting amnesia when he crash-lands on his head (leading him to believe he really is "Fifi"), and later becoming a downstairs maid to the three-time Count Duckula antagonists Hawkeye Soames and Doctor Potson (in this show, Soames is voiced by Brian Trueman as Jack May did not return to reprise his older roles, and both he and Potson are differently coloured to how they originally appeared in the Eighties). This is also the second of the two episodes which does not feature the Wretched Dog at all, the other being "The Case of the Vose Vase".

The Countess of Gazania and her butler Mildew hire the brothers to plant "listening devices" at the Gazanian Embassy; however, what they do not know is that the Gazanian Ambassador is in fact the Countess's husband (and she put him on a diet three weeks ago). After several failed attempts to infiltrate the Embassy, Victor sends for M. Meccaneaux, who suggests that he put Hugo in a box labelled "Do Not Open Until Tomorrow" and deliver it to the Embassy - and when Victor later returns to the Countess with his listening device and Hugo retells everything he heard while in the box in the Ambassador's office, she learns that her husband has secretly been scoffing chocky biscuits.

The brothers retell how they ended up marooned in a Venetian punt through their attempt to stow away on, and hold up, the Orient Express (during which the well-known amateur detective, Achilles Marrot, accused them of a jewel robbery that they did not commit) in flashback.

The brothers are hired by the actor Clint Crag to steal a ring from his fiancée, the famous actress Wanda Nicetime, who is starring in a play named "Grande Hotel" at the Dreary Lane (a pun on Drury Lane) Theatre; after they infiltrate the theatre by stowing away inside a laundry hamper (but they had initially intended to infiltrate the real Grande Hotel, where Nicetime was staying, in this manner), they end up becoming part of the play themselves as replacement can-can dancers and literally bring the house down, so they are sent to jail.

The brothers pose as art dealers to the very, very wealthy and are hired by P. Ellsworth Belmont to steal a painting by Belvedere Beaton from New York's Museum of Modern Art (while being tailed by Tom Trowel, a pig); after Hugo stuffs the painting under his sweatshirt, both brothers pass themselves off as Spanish bullfighters to Trowel, but Hugo is too big to fit through the exit so they try to carry it out of the window (however, they are on the seventeenth floor, so they cannot). After they are discovered, they flee the Museum, but run into local police officers Captain Codeine and Louis (whose patrol car they had disabled earlier on in the episode) so are sent to jail.

After crashing through the front of an antiques store, the brothers disguise themselves as doctors in order to steal a top-secret growth formula (which was discovered by Dr. Peveril Peak, and Professor Y has hired them to steal it) from Saint Spooner's Hospital; after they get high on laughing gas, they try to pick the already-unlocked lock of Dr. Peak's laboratory, and when Dr. Peak himself shows up to lock it, he gives his formula to Hugo to hold. Both brothers then make a run for it, but they run into a pair of police officers who had showed up at the antiques store earlier (the formula also smashes over Hugo), so they are sent to jail, where Hugo grows to a huge size.

Mr. Big (a mouse in an inflatable suit) and his accomplice Lenny hire the brothers to take care of Mr. Big's dog, Caesar, while they go on holiday; however, things take a turn for the worse after Caesar falls in love with a cow, and ends up being kidnapped by Harry and Nuzzles of "Grab-A-Dog International". But when the brothers cough up the ransom (which is a complete set of Gooey Muncho Bars' Famous Criminals of the World labels), it turns out that Caesar does not want to leave, as he has befriended another dog and is playing cards in Grab-A-Dog's back room with him, so they decide to cough up with another ransom for the other dog (which is a complete set of Yuk-Yuk Lollipops' Yugoslavian Parking Meters of the 1950s wrappers that Hugo had been wanting to swap for an "I ♥ Earwigs" bumper sticker), and when the other dog shows himself, it turns out to be the Wretched Dog, who runs up Victor's trouser leg and steals his boxer shorts.

The brothers sell Hobbes-Sutclyffe Hall to "a big lady who has her arm in a sling" (Nanny from Count Duckula, who reappeared in this episode with Duckula himself and Igor) for a map that shows them where they can find the hidden treasure of Sir Pelham Hobbes-Sutclyffe; they initially intend to masquerade as DWP men to effect access to the Hall, but the Hobbes-Sutclyffes' butler Ponsford takes them to be musicians instead (however, they are exposed as frauds when the real musicians show up, and thrown out of the Hall). Victor then has the idea that they disguise themselves as ghosts to frighten the Hobbes-Sutclyffes away - however, both Duckula and Nanny (who are trying to get their map back) and Lord Hobbes-Sutclyffe and Piers Flimsy have the same idea to frighten the other two pairs away, and they are all eventually frightened away by the Hall's real ghosts, Angus and Jeremy, when Lord Hobbes-Sutclyffe blasts a hole in its ceiling with his elephant gun. In this episode, Igor had no dialogue, but it was explained away by Nanny telling Duckula he was fed up of his adventures.

The horologist Maximilian J. Millennium and his butler Watt hire the brothers to masquerade as security men (from "Swagard") and steal a very special clock which can transport people through time for him; however, when they return to his mansion, they accidentally break it (and when trying to repair it, press its button, transporting them to the times of Robin Hood, Queen Boadicea, and the fictional aristocrat Sir Percy de Coverlet, before returning to the present). When Millennium comes out to investigate the commotion, Victor tells Hugo to give him the clock - but he ends up pressing its button himself and disappears. Edward Kelsey again guest-stars in this episode.

The brothers are hired by Baron Silas Greenback to steal Danger Mouse's Mark III car; both Ernest Penfold and Stiletto Mafioso have gone to stay with their Aunties in America, so Hugo takes the place of Penfold's temporary replacement Henri Blancmange, and Victor takes the place of Stiletto. When Colonel K informs Danger Mouse that Greenback is up to something, both Danger Mouse and Hugo set out in the Mark III, but it breaks down, so Hugo sends for M. Meccaneaux to repair it - and after Victor starts flying the Frog's Head Flyer to the Mark III, Hugo starts flying the Mark III to the Frog's Head Flyer once it has been repaired, but both vehicles end up flying into each other and falling to the ground. Edward Kelsey also once again guest-stars in this episode, but he was not actually credited at the end of it.

After getting thrown out of the film "Spookzappers 3" at the Roxy Cinema, the brothers get the idea to pretend that the biggest house in their neighbourhood is haunted, so its residents will leave for the night and allow them to steal all the valuables from it; the biggest house in their neighbourhood also happens to be Castle Duckula, which is now owned by a Wanda Nicetime lookalike. When Victor manages to convince her that her newly-bought house is haunted and she leaves it for the night, the brothers start searching for its valuables, but hear strange rumblings and wailings coming from the marquee in the garden - and when they see it moving by itself, they think the castle really is haunted and retreat to its topmost turret (but the "ghost" turns out to be Nanny, who stayed at the castle after it was sold).

The Lord High Chancellor of Vulgaria (which is a pun on Bulgaria) hires the brothers to steal the country's crown jewels from Prince Coleslaw; after Prince Coleslaw hires them as his new jesters, his old jester tries to assassinate them by dropping a chandelier on them but does not succeed, so tries to fire a cannon at them (however, it gets turned around when he ignites it, so he gets blown through the palace to the jewel room and thwarts their plans, after which he becomes the new Lord High Chancellor and they are sent to the dungeon).

The Countess Amnesia of Megalomania and her butler Kelp hire the brothers to steal the world's most famous diamond, Belshazzar's Bunion, from the British Museum for the insurance money; after they have a fake of it made by forger O. Lagge and swap it with what they believe is the real one at the British Museum, she reveals that she kept the real one all the time, because she knew they would try to steal it.

After crashing through the roof of the WPB News building (and picking up the reporter of the opening crime, Alistair Fishmark, when they flee it), the brothers manage to get hold of some top-secret plans for the "Concrete Destruction Ray" and masquerade as "Captain Victor" and "General Hugo" to acquire the parts, then get M. Meccaneaux to build it for them; after testing it on a pair of lampposts, they plan to use it to destroy the wall of a bank, but their plans are thwarted by a herd of stampeding elephants who had escaped from a pet store earlier on in the episode, and they are then arrested by the Army for impersonating high-ranking officers and sent to a military prison.

After being wrongly accused of stealing a secret weapon from a secret laboratory, the brothers are, after unknowingly ending up with the secret weapon themselves, beamed up to the spaceship Titanic by a group of aliens who, after Victor gives them their briefcase, take him to meet their leader (a toe); however, they anger them by speaking their leader's name and are transformed into a painting, then have the secret weapon (which is a custard pie ray developed by the Zosmians) used against them. When the Zosmians themselves show up, a war of custard pie-flinging ensues - and when the brothers are transformed back into humans and make good their escape, they drive their van out of the spaceship and crash-land back on Earth, where the Wretched Dog runs up Hugo's trouser leg (in the van) for the only time.

The brothers are hired by the penniless aristocrat Lady Grady to steal the world's most famous racehorse, Whizzbangfleetfoot III, so she can win the Sirloin Stakes, and pay off her staff with the £3500000 prize money; they then make several attempts to infiltrate the Mabel Gable Stables, but do not succeed until they disguise themselves as a second horse (going under the name "Bloomin' Old Nag"), and end up beating Whizzbangfleetfoot III in a race. Horse thieves Butch and Slasher witness them doing this and tell Lady Grady, who calls off the theft of Whizzbangfleetfoot III and tells them to steal her the "other horse" instead, but they do not succeed - and the brothers end up becoming part of the Sirloin Stakes themselves and win it after being stung by a bee (however, all they get is a large mouthful of hay).

After a failed hold-up at Harry's Café, the brothers overhear Ponsford (the Hobbes-Sutclyffes' butler) saying that Lady Hobbes-Sutclyffe thinks she is being haunted by a demon hound, and her husband has agreed to let Hawkeye Soames and Dr. Potson investigate; they then get the idea to masquerade as Soames and Potson in an attempt to rob Hobbes-Sutclyffe Hall, but when the real Soames and Potson show up, the Hobbes-Sutclyffes cannot tell which Soames is the real one, so Victor says whichever one finds the "Hound of the Hobbes-Sutclyffes" must be the real Soames. Although the brothers inadvertently find the Hound after opening the already-unlocked safe in the Hall's library, it turns out to be the Wretched Dog - and when the dynamite they had glued to the safe to blow it explodes, it blasts them out of the Hall.

After having their takings for the "Society of Not Very Good Crooks" charity stolen by a pair of old women who had just donated to them, the brothers travel to New York City and rent a Santa Claus costume (Victor wearing the top half and standing on top of Hugo wearing the bottom half) to steal everyone's presents; after causing a cab driver to crash twice (and Victor getting his beard trapped in a window), police officer O'Dare informs them that they are five months early, so they steal a voice-activated jet to pour fake snow over the city. When they crash-land at the North Pole, they meet the real Santa, who hands them a card saying that he is not really Santa - and when he unzips his suit, he turns out to be a polar bear. However, he hands them another card saying that he is not really a polar bear; when he unzips his suit, he turns out to be none other than the Wretched Dog, who then runs up Victor's trouser leg and steals his boxer shorts.

After cutting the guy ropes on their stolen hot-air balloon (with Interpol), crash-landing on a police car and getting their van carried away by an airplane, the brothers again pose as a butler and maid (Hugo again going under the name "Hugette") for Ernst Underfelt; after Hugo breaks the dishwasher, Victor sends for M. Meccaneaux to fix it (and Underfelt's car). Underfelt then orders Hugo to look after his mouse, Damien, while he is attending an Assassins Anonymous meeting, but he accidentally puts him in the dishwasher (which M. Meccaneaux used car parts to repair, so it starts chasing him around the kitchen) - and when Underfelt returns from his meeting coloured white as a result of dishwasher parts being used to repair his car, he sends both brothers to the Grand Canyon. Brian Trueman also does not star in this episode, and it is the only one that does not start with a radio or television report about the brothers' most recent criminal act.

In a final attempt to pull off a great crime, the brothers order the Guide to Being a Master Criminal after reading an advertisement for it in the Behemoth newspaper; they then read in that same newspaper that Hawkeye Soames and Dr. Potson have been brought in to guard the jewel room at Osprey (which is a pun on Asprey) Jewellers during the exhibition of the Mardi Ruby, so make several attempts to steal it, but do not succeed until they build an "Easy-Assembly Vacuum-Grabber Crane" and use it to lift up the glass case around the diamond. However, Victor is caught by Soames and Potson (who initially suspected him of being a window cleaner) - and when Hugo comes downstairs, both brothers realise that the button of the vacuum-grabber crane upstairs is no longer being held, so the case drops back down on them.